How To Save A Life
by BonesBird
Summary: Snippets of scenes that  in my opinion  should have been in the show. Hotch/Haley, Songfic, Canon - spoilers for 100 but everyone should have seen that by now.


**Title: Had I Known How To Save A Life  
****Summary: Snippets of scenes that (in my opinion) should have been in the show. Hotch/Haley, Songfic, Canon - spoilers for 100 but everyone should have seen that by now.  
****Lyrics: How To Save A Life - The Fray**

**The first verse is set early S3, second verse is early S4, third verse is during "100". As always, descriptive pieces.**

**To Heather and Sheila. Love you gals.**

_**

* * *

Step one you say we need to talk, he walks  
**__**You say sit down it's just a talk**_

"Just sit down Aaron" She said, he could see the tension in her face. The set of her shoulders. Everything in her body language screamed at him that he wasn't going to enjoy this conversation. Sure enough the minute he sat down she began pacing. He could sense that she needed to order her thoughts. Get everything in order before she started whatever had been playing on her mind since he'd told her about his suspension.

_**He smiles politely back at you  
**__**You stare politely right on through**_

Slowly she began talking, he began answering. They weren't the answers she wanted to hear. The discussion got progressively louder, more drawn out. Hurtful things being said by them both. Things that neither truly meant. Her actions told him she desperately wanted him to change. She wanted him to stay at home more. Live life with her and Jack. Plan for the future. Take a less dangerous position, a position that wouldn't leave her a widow.

_**Some sort of window to your right  
**__**He goes left and you stay right**_

That wasn't him though. He wasn't that guy. He'd never be happy behind a desk. What would Jack thing as he grew up? What kind of a hero would his daddy be if he wasn't catching the bad guys. What kind of a man would Hotch be if he wasn't protecting his family, and the world, from the terrors that slept in houses just like his all over the planet. Telling Haley it was who he was, that it was a part of him as much as she and Jack were, was proving to be more difficult than he thought.

_**Between the lines of fear and blame  
**__**You begin to wonder why you came**_

He shook his head as she retreated away from him again. Leaving him with a pillow and a blanket on their sofa again. He dropped his head to his hands and he knew, he knew that the time to think about change was now. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave his team.

_**

* * *

Let him know that you know best  
**__**Coz after all you do know best**_

A year on and she still looked the same, maybe even better. She wasn't worrying about him getting killed every couple of weeks. He was sure she still worried, but maybe not as much as she once had. The thought made him sad, but he had to pass through that. The birthday party was a time where they had to interact, to show the world they were still happy as friends and nothing more. He loved her but there was nothing he could do to change her decision now.

_**Try to step past his defence  
**__**Without granting innocence**_

The party went smoothly, Haley's friends and Hotch's team mingling for the afternoon before separating off, leaving the two parents and their exhausted 3 year old alone. He carried his son to bed before agreeing to stop for a coffee, to catch up on what she was doing now. Where she was working, what she planned to do with Jack while she was at work. He just wanted to be slightly involved.

_**Lay down a list of what is wrong  
**__**Things you told him all along**_

It didn't take long for his sense of loss to fall on him. He had lost this amazing woman for his own selfish actions. Every time she got excited telling him about something she and Jack had done, he remembered that once it was the things the two of them were planning that got her excited. Saying goodbye to her that night reminded him of all the good he was trying to save in the world.

_**Pray to god he hears you  
**__**And pray to god he hears you**_

_**

* * *

As he begins to raise his voice  
**__**You lower yours grant him one last choice**_

Foyet was in their house. The house he and Haley had shared and there was nothing he could do to get there any faster. The call Foyet had made had angered him enough. He hoped Haley hadn't let him in. Why had he never shown her a photo of Foyet, why had Kassmeyer never shown her a photo. The things he now regretted would haunt him for the rest of his life, he was sure of it.

_**Drive until you lose the road  
**__**Or break with the ones who follow**_

Her voice on the other end of the line. It was shaky. He had never heard her voice like that. He had never known her to sound so afraid. He wanted to be there to reassure her. To tell her that it would be alright. That nothing was going to happen. That secretly it was all a bad dream, Foyet had never come into their lives. They had never, ever been in witness protection. He had moved to the White Collar team. If he had done that this wouldn't be happening.

_**He will do one of two things  
**__**He'll admit to everything**_

The one thing he could guarantee was that Jack would be safe. They had talked about hiding places. He had been teaching him how to hide since Jack was able to understand. He had to be prepared in his job. He didn't want this to happen, but now that he had he could at least protect his son somewhat. Make sure that something was saved, even if he and Haley didn't make it out of this alive.

_**Or he'll say he's just not the same  
**__**And you'll begin to wonder why you came**_

"Promise me" She told him. He could hear the tears and fear in her voice. He knew, and she knew, that those would be the last words she'd ever speak. She knew that she'd seen their son for the last time. At that moment, he would have promised her the world.

_**

* * *

Where did I go wrong I lost a friend  
**__**Somewhere along in the bitterness**_

He looked over the mound in the grass and clasped his hand. It had been a year since Foyet ruined him forever. He wondered now what would have happened had he arrive early enough. What would have happened if he had never put Haley in that position to begin with. He loved her, and he had so much to apologise for, but there was little else he could do now, other than raise Jack the best he could. He had promised her that.

_**And I would have stayed up with you all night  
**__**Had I known how to save a life**_


End file.
